4.3 Making Relationships Last

Now that you have a better understanding of the factors that contribute to interpersonal attraction and the essentials for maintaining close relationships, you can begin to grasp what partners need to do to stay together. While it’s true that many marriages end in divorce, particularly in individualistic cultures where emphasis is placed on individual needs rather than group cohesion, the divorce rate is decreasing, especially among the more educated segments of society in Western countries like the United States (Kreider and Fields 2001). Building successful relationships requires effort, but the rewards are significant. Happily married individuals tend to experience greater overall happiness and improved psychological and physical health, with marriage even associated with longer life, especially for men (Kiecolt-Glaser & Newton 2001).

Let’s examine some strategies that enduring couples often employ and compare them with findings from social psychological research:

1. Expect disagreements: Conflict is normal in any relationship and can actually be constructive. Working through minor conflicts can enhance social skills and strengthen the relationship (Pickett and Gardner 2005).
2. Stay positive: Negative thoughts and emotions can harm relationships significantly. Avoid getting trapped in negative thinking patterns and strive to maintain a positive outlook (Gottman 1994).
3. Be fair: It’s common for individuals to overestimate their own positive actions and underestimate those of their partner. Strive to evaluate behaviors objectively and give your partner the benefit of the doubt (Murray et al. 1996).
4. Show kindness: The principle of social exchange suggests that being kind and considerate to your partner fosters reciprocal kindness and strengthens the relationship.
5. Have fun: Relationships where partners experience positive emotions and avoid boredom tend to last longer (Tsapelas et al. 2009).
6. Share values and positive affect: Successful couples share similar values and display positive emotions toward each other. They laugh together, express approval, and view each other in a positive light (Murray et al. 1996).
7. Communicate openly: Successful relationships involve partners expressing their thoughts and needs openly, allowing for intimacy to deepen through effective communication patterns.
8. Address sexual compatibility: Compatibility in sexual preferences and attitudes is crucial for relationship success. Partners should align in their views on monogamy and other sexual behaviors to prevent conflicts and maintain trust (Wiederman 1997).
9. Manage jealousy: Jealousy can threaten relationships, but understanding its evolutionary roots and differences in how men and women experience it can help partners navigate its challenges (Buss et al. 1992).

By incorporating these strategies into their relationships, couples can enhance their connection and strengthen their bond over time.