Satire

Satire appears in many art forms, though most frequently in fiction, to point out flaws, often with the purpose of exposing the perceived shortcomings of individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement. It first appears as early as 441 BCE in the ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes’ play Lysistrata that criticized his nation’s tendency toward war by creating a comical, hypothetical situation in which women deny their husbands sex until they stop going to war. Satire is often mean to entertain (think Saturday Night Live, South Park, and Family Guy), but it can also serve as social criticism by using humor to draw attention to issues of concern in society. Jonathan Swift’s, “A Modest Proposal” is an iconic example of this. As with that piece, satire often uses irony or sarcasm to claim approval of something the writer is questioning and wishes to inspire others to question.

Lu Xun

Lu Xun writes during the cultural upheaval of the Maoist regime, which replaced the traditional government. Lu Xun critized Chinese society, which is illustrated in his witing. In “Diary of a Madman,” Lu Xun uses metaphor to conduct social critique. He questions tradition when it in inhibits an ability to see society clearly.

Lu Xun is well versed in Western literary traditions, though the literary tradition illustrated by “Diary of a Madman” is distinct from it. The Industrial Revolution, the World Wars, and the Enlightenment changed a lot in the West, and even a writer across the globe would be impacted.

“Diary of a Madman” by Lu Xun

Tonight the moon is very bright.

I have not seen it for over thirty years, so today when I saw it I felt in unusually high spirits. I begin to realize that during the past thirty-odd years I have been in the dark; but now I must be extremely careful. Otherwise why should that dog at the Chao house have looked at me twice?

I have reason for my fear.

II

Tonight there is no moon at all, I know that this bodes ill. This morning when I went out cautiously, Mr. Chao had a strange look in his eyes, as if he were afraid of me, as if he wanted to murder me. There were seven or eight others, who discussed me in a whisper. And they were afraid of my seeing them. All the people I passed were like that. The fiercest among them grinned at me; whereupon I shivered from head to foot, knowing that their preparations were complete.

I was not afraid, however, but continued on my way. A group of children in front were also discussing me, and the look in their eyes was just like that in Mr. Chao’s while their faces too were ghastly pale. I wondered what grudge these children could have against me to make them behave like this. I could not help calling out: “Tell me!” But then they ran away.

I wonder what grudge Mr. Chao can have against me, what grudge the people on the road can have against me. I can think of nothing except that twenty years ago I trod on Mr. Ku Chiu’s account sheets for many years past, and Mr. Ku was very displeased. Although Mr. Chao does not know him, he must have heard talk of this and decided to avenge him, so he is conspiring against me with the people on the road. But then what of the children? At that time they were not yet born, so why should they eye me so strangely today, as if they were afraid of me, as if they wanted to murder me? This really frightens me; it is so bewildering and upsetting.

I know. They must have learned this from their parents!

III

I can’t sleep at night. Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it.

Those people, some of whom have been pilloried by the magistrate, slapped in the face by the local gentry, had their wives taken away by bailiffs, or their parents driven to suicide by creditors, never looked as frightened and as fierce then as they did yesterday.

The most extraordinary thing was that woman on the street yesterday who spanked her son and said, “Little devil! I’d like to bite several mouthfuls out of you to work off my feelings!” Yet all the time she looked at me. I gave a start, unable to control myself; then all those green-faced, long-toothed people began to laugh derisively. Old Chen hurried forward and dragged me home.

He dragged me home. The folk at home all pretended not to know me; they had the same look in their eyes as all the others. When I went into the study, they locked the door outside as if cooping up a chicken or a duck. This incident left me even more bewildered.

A few days ago a tenant of ours from Wolf Cub Village came to report the failure of the crops, and told my elder brother that a notorious character in their village had been beaten to death; then some people had taken out his heart and liver, fried them in oil and eaten them, as a means of increasing their courage. When I interrupted, the tenant and my brother both stared at me. Only today have I realized that they had exactly the same look in their eyes as those people outside.

Just to think of it sets me shivering from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.

They eat human beings, so they may eat me.

I see that woman’s “bite several mouthfuls out of you,” the laughter of those green-faced, long-toothed people and the tenant’s story the other day are obviously secret signs. I realize all the poison in their speech, all the daggers in their laughter. Their teeth are white and glistening: they are all man-eaters.

It seems to me, although I am not a bad man, ever since I trod on Mr. Ku’s accounts it has been touch-and-go. They seem to have secrets which I cannot guess, and once they are angry they will call anyone a bad character. I remember when my elder brother taught me to write compositions; no matter how good a man was, if I produced arguments to the contrary he would mark that passage to show his approval; while if I excused evil-doers, he would say: “Good for you; that shows originality.” How can I possibly guess their secret thoughts—especially when they are ready to eat people?

Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it. In ancient times, as I recollect, people often ate human beings, but I am rather hazy about it. I tried to look this up, but my history has no chronology, and scrawled all over each page are the words: “Virtue and Morality.” Since I could not sleep anyway, I read intently half the night, until I began to see words between the lines, the whole book being filled with the two words—”Eat people.”

All these words written in the book, all the words spoken by our tenant, gaze at me strangely with an enigmatic smile.

I too am a man, and they want to eat me!

IV

In the morning I sat quietly for some time. Old Chen brought lunch in: one bowl of vegetables, one bowl of steamed fish. The eyes of the fish were white and hard, and its mouth was open just like those people who want to eat human beings. After a few mouthfuls I could not tell whether the slippery morsels were fish or human flesh, so I brought it all up.

I said, “Old Chen, tell my brother that I feel quite suffocated, and want to have a stroll in the garden.” Old Chen said nothing but went out, and presently he came back and opened the gate.

I did not move, but watched to see how they would treat me, feeling certain that they would not let me go. Sure enough! My elder brother came slowly out, leading an old man. There was a murderous gleam in his eyes, and fearing that I would see it he lowered his head, stealing glances at me from the side of his spectacles.

“You seem to be very well today,” said my brother.

“Yes,” said I.

“I have invited Mr. Ho here today,” said my brother, “to examine you.”

“All right,” said I. Actually I knew quite well that this old man was the executioner in disguise! He simply used the pretext of feeling my pulse to see how fat I was; for by so doing he would receive a share of my flesh. Still I was not afraid. Although I do not eat men, my courage is greater than theirs. I held out my two fists, to see what he would do. The old man sat down, closed his eyes, fumbled for some time and remained still for some time; then he opened his shifty eyes and said, “Don’t let your imagination run away with you. Rest quietly for a few days, and you will be all right.”

Don’t let your imagination run away with you! Rest quietly for a few days! When I have grown fat, naturally they will have more to eat; but what good will it do me, or how can it be “all right”? All these people wanting to eat human flesh and at the same time stealthily trying to keep up appearances, not daring to act promptly, really made me nearly die of laughter. I could not help roaring with laughter, I was so amused. I knew that in this laughter were courage and integrity. Both the old man and my brother turned pale, awed by my courage and integrity.

But just because I am brave they are the more eager to eat me, in order to acquire some of my courage. The old man went out of the gate, but before he had gone far he said to my brother in a low voice, “To be eaten at once!” And my brother nodded. So you are in it too! This stupendous discovery, although it came as a shock, is yet no more than I had expected: the accomplice in eating me is my elder brother!

The eater of human flesh is my elder brother!

I am the younger brother of an eater of human flesh!

I myself will be eaten by others, but none the less I am the younger brother of an eater of human flesh!

V

These few days I have been thinking again: suppose that old man were not an executioner in disguise, but a real doctor; he would be none the less an eater of human flesh. In that book on herbs, written by his predecessor Li Shih-chen, it is clearly stated that men’s flesh can he boiled and eaten; so can he still say that he does not eat men?

As for my elder brother, I have also good reason to suspect him. When he was teaching me, he said with his own lips, “People exchange their sons to eat.” And once in discussing a bad man, he said that not only did he deserve to be killed, he should “have his flesh eaten and his hide slept on. . . .” I was still young then, and my heart beat faster for some time, he was not at all surprised by the story that our tenant from Wolf Cub Village told us the other day about eating a man’s heart and liver, but kept nodding his head. He is evidently just as cruel as before. Since it is possible to “exchange sons to eat,” then anything can be exchanged, anyone can be eaten. In the past I simply listened to his explanations, and let it go at that; now I know that when he explained it to me, not only was there human fat at the corner of his lips, but his whole heart was set on eating men.

VI

Pitch dark. I don’t know whether it is day or night. The Chao family dog has started barking again.

The fierceness of a lion, the timidity of a rabbit, the craftiness of a fox. . . .

VII

I know their way; they are not willing to kill anyone outright, nor do they dare, for fear of the consequences. Instead they have banded together and set traps everywhere, to force me to kill myself. The behavior of the men and women in the street a few days ago, and my elder brother’s attitude these last few days, make it quite obvious. What they like best is for a man to take off his belt, and hang himself from a beam; for then they can enjoy their heart’s desire without being blamed for murder. Naturally that sets them roaring with delighted laughter. On the other hand, if a man is frightened or worried to death, although that makes him rather thin, they still nod in approval.

They only eat dead flesh! I remember reading somewhere of a hideous beast, with an ugly look in its eye, called “hyena” which often eats dead flesh. Even the largest bones it grinds into fragments and swallows: the mere thought of this is enough to terrify one. Hyenas are related to wolves, and wolves belong to the canine species. The other day the dog in the Chao house looked at me several times; obviously it is in the plot too and has become their accomplice. The old man’s eyes were cast down, but that did not deceive me!

The most deplorable is my elder brother. He is also a man, so why is he not afraid, why is he plotting with others to eat me? Is it that when one is used to it he no longer thinks it a crime? Or is it that he has hardened his heart to do something he knows is wrong?

In cursing man-eaters, I shall start with my brother, and in dissuading man-eaters, I shall start with him too.

VIII

Actually, such arguments should have convinced them long ago. . . .

Suddenly someone came in. He was only about twenty years old and I did not see his features very clearly. His face was wreathed in smiles, but when he nodded to me his smile did not seem genuine. I asked him “Is it right to eat human beings?”

Still smiling, he replied, “When there is no famine how can one eat human beings?”

I realized at once, he was one of them; but still I summoned up courage to repeat my question:

“Is it right?”

“What makes you ask such a thing? You really are . . fond of a joke. . . . It is very fine today.”

“It is fine, and the moon is very bright. But I want to ask you: Is it right?”

He looked disconcerted, and muttered: “No….”

“No? Then why do they still do it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about? They are eating men now in Wolf Cub Village, and you can see it written all over the books, in fresh red ink.”

His expression changed, and he grew ghastly pale. “It may be so,” he said, staring at me. “It has always been like that. . . .”

“Is it right because it has always been like that?”

“I refuse to discuss these things with you. Anyway, you shouldn’t talk about it. Whoever talks about it is in the wrong!”

I leaped up and opened my eyes wide, but the man had vanished. I was soaked with perspiration. He was much younger than my elder brother, but even so he was in it. He must have been taught by his parents. And I am afraid he has already taught his son: that is why even the children look at me so fiercely.

IX

Wanting to eat men, at the same time afraid of being eaten themselves, they all look at each other with the deepest suspicion. . . .

How comfortable life would be for them if they could rid themselves of such obsessions and go to work, walk, eat and sleep at ease. They have only this one step to take. Yet fathers and sons, husbands and wives, brothers, friends, teachers and students, sworn enemies and even strangers, have all joined in this conspiracy, discouraging and preventing each other from taking this step.

X

Early this morning I went to look for my elder brother. He was standing outside the hall door looking at the sky, when I walked up behind him, stood between him and the door, and with exceptional poise and politeness said to him:

“Brother, I have something to say to you.”

“Well, what is it?” he asked, quickly turning towards me and nodding.

“It is very little, but I find it difficult to say. Brother, probably all primitive people ate a little human flesh to begin with. Later, because their outlook changed, some of them stopped, and because they tried to be good they changed into men, changed into real men. But some are still eating—just like reptiles. Some have changed into fish, birds, monkeys and finally men; but some do not try to be good and remain reptiles still. When those who eat men compare themselves with those who do not, how ashamed they must be. Probably much more ashamed than the reptiles are before monkeys.

“In ancient times Yi Ya boiled his son for Chieh and Chou to eat; that is the old story. But actually since the creation of heaven and earth by Pan Ku men have been eating each other, from the time of Yi Ya’s son to the time of Hsu Hsi-lin, and from the time of Hsu Hsi-lin down to the man caught in Wolf Cub Village. Last year they executed a criminal in the city, and a consumptive soaked a piece of bread in his blood and sucked it.

“They want to eat me, and of course you can do nothing about it single-handed; but why should you join them? As man-eaters they are capable of anything. If they eat me, they can eat you as well; members of the same group can still eat each other. But if you will just change your ways immediately, then everyone will have peace. Although this has been going on since time immemorial, today we could make a special effort to be good, and say this is not to be done! I’m sure you can say so, brother. The other day when the tenant wanted the rent reduced, you said it couldn’t be done.”

At first he only smiled cynically, then a murderous gleam came into his eyes, and when I spoke of their secret his face turned pale. Outside the gate stood a group of people, including Mr. Chao and his dog, all craning their necks to peer in. I could not see all their faces, for they seemed to be masked in cloths; some of them looked pale and ghastly still, concealing their laughter. I knew they were one band, all eaters of human flesh. But I also knew that they did not all think alike by any means. Some of them thought that since it had always been so, men should be eaten. Some of them knew that they should not eat men, but still wanted to; and they were afraid people might discover their secret; thus when they heard me they became angry, but they still smiled their. cynical, tight-lipped smile.

Suddenly my brother looked furious, and shouted in a loud voice:

“Get out of here, all of you! What is the point of looking at a madman?”

Then I realized part of their cunning. They would never be willing to change their stand, and their plans were all laid; they had stigmatized me as a madman. In future when I was eaten, not only would there be no trouble, but people would probably be grateful to them. When our tenant spoke of the villagers eating a bad character, it was exactly the same device. This is their old trick.

Old Chen came in too, in a great temper, but they could not stop my mouth, I had to speak to those people:

“You should change, change from the bottom of your hearts!” I said. “You most know that in future there will be no place for man-eaters in the world.

“If you don’t change, you may all be eaten by each other. Although so many are born, they will be wiped out by the real men, just like wolves killed by hunters. Just like reptiles!”

Old Chen drove everybody away. My brother had disappeared. Old Chen advised me to go back to my room. The room was pitch dark. The beams and rafters shook above my head. After shaking for some time they grew larger. They piled on top of me.

The weight was so great, I could not move. They meant that I should die. I knew that the weight was false, so I struggled out, covered in perspiration. But I had to say:

“You should change at once, change from the bottom of your hearts! You must know that in future there will be no place for man-eaters in the world . . . .”

XI

The sun does not shine, the door is not opened, every day two meals.

I took up my chopsticks, then thought of my elder brother; I know now how my little sister died: it was all through him. My sister was only five at the time. I can still remember how lovable and pathetic she looked. Mother cried and cried, but he begged her not to cry, probably because he had eaten her himself, and so her crying made him feel ashamed. If he had any sense of shame. . . .

My sister was eaten by my brother, but I don’t know whether mother realized it or not.

I think mother must have known, but when she cried she did not say so outright, probably because she thought it proper too. I remember when I was four or five years old, sitting in the cool of the hall, my brother told me that if a man’s parents were ill, he should cut off a piece of his flesh and boil it for them if he wanted to be considered a good son; and mother did not contradict him. If one piece could be eaten, obviously so could the whole. And yet just to think of the mourning then still makes my heart bleed; that is the extraordinary thing about it!

XII

I can’t bear to think of it.

I have only just realized that I have been living all these years in a place where for four thousand years they have been eating human flesh. My brother had just taken over the charge of the house when our sister died, and he may well have used her flesh in our rice and dishes, making us eat it unwittingly.

It is possible that I ate several pieces of my sister’s flesh unwittingly, and now it is my turn, . . .

How can a man like myself, after four thousand years of man-caring history—even though I knew nothing about it at first—ever hope to face real men?

XIII

Perhaps there are still children who have not eaten men? Save the children. . . .

April 1918

Lu Xun’s “Diary of a Madman” is produced by the Marxist Internet Archive and released under a public domain license.

Jonathan Swift

Jonathan Swift is an Anglo-Irish satirist, author, essayist, political pamphleteer, poet, and Anglican cleric. Swift wrote works such as A Tale of a Tub (1704), An Argument Against Abolishing Christianity (1712), Gulliver’s Travels (1726), and A Modest Proposal (1729). He is widely regarded as the foremost prose satirist in the English language. His deadpan, ironic writing style, particularly in A Modest Proposal, has led to such satire being subsequently termed “Swiftian”.

“A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift

Introduction

For preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial
to the publick.

by Dr. Jonathan Swift
1729

Introduction

A Modest Proposal

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great
town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads,
and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed
by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every
passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work
for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in
stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants who, as they
grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear
native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves
to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and
therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method
of making these children sound and useful members of the
commonwealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his
statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent,
and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who
are born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those
who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years
upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several
schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly
mistaken in their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from
its dam, may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little
other nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings,
which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that
I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of
being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting food
and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary,
contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing of many
thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it
will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of
women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among
us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the
expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the
most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple, whose wives are breeders; from which
number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to maintain
their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so many
under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being granted,
there will remain a hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again
subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose
children die by accident or disease within the year. There only
remain a hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents
annually born. The question therefore is, How this number shall be
reared and provided for? which, as I have already said, under the
present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods
hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or
agriculture; they neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor
cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing
till they arrive at six years old; except where they are of towardly
parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier;
during which time they can however be properly looked upon only
as probationers; as I have been informed by a principal gentleman
in the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew
above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of
the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve
years old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to
this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds
and half a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriments
and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I
hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my
acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed,
is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food,
whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that
it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragoust.

I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the
hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty
thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part
to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or
swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits
of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages,
therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the
remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale
to the persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always
advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so
as to render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make
two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family
dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish,
and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on
the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh
12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28
pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper
for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told
by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a
prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman Catholick
countries about nine months after Lent, than at any other season;
therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more
glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at least
three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other
collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child
(in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of
the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included;
and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for
the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make
four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some
particular friend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus the
squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his
tenants, the mother will have eight shillings neat profit, and be fit
for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require)
may flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make
admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this
purpose, in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be
assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying
the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do
roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose
virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this
matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many
gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he
conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the
bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of
age, nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every
county being now ready to starve for want of work and service:
and these to be disposed of by their parents if alive, or otherwise
by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent
a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his
sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured
me from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough
and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual exercise, and their
taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the charge.
Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission,
be a loss to the publick, because they soon would become breeders
themselves: and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous
people might be apt to censure such a practice, (although indeed
very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess,
hath always been with me the strongest objection against any
project, how well soever intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this expedient
was put into his head by the famous Psalmanaazor, a native of the
island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty
years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country,
when any young person happened to be put to death, the
executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty;
and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was
crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his
imperial majesty’s prime minister of state, and other great
mandarins of the court in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred
crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made
of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single
groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and
appear at a playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they
never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about
that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what
course may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an
incumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter,
because it is very well known, that they are every day dying, and
rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can
be reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, they are
now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree,
that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour,
they have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject.
I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are
obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
number of Papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the
principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous
enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver
the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the
absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to
leave their country, than stay at home and pay tithes against their
conscience to an episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of
their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to
pay their landlord’s rent, their corn and cattle being already seized,
and money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of a hundred thousand
children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at
less than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation’s stock will be
thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides the
profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of
fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And the
money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely of
our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings
sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns,
where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have
their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value
themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook,
who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it
as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which
all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced
by laws and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness
of mothers towards their children, when they were sure of a
settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the
publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should soon
see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them
could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as
fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as they are
now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sows when they are
ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a
practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel’d
beef: the propagation of swine’s flesh, and improvement in the art
of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great
destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way
comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat yearling
child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a Lord
Mayor’s feast, or any other publick entertainment. But this, and
many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be
constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have
it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I
compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand
carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be
sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against
this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people
will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own,
and was indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I
desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this
one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was,
is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk
to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings
a pound: Of using neither clothes, nor houshold furniture, except
what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the
materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing
the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our
women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and
temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even
from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting
our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews,
who were murdering one another at the very moment their city
was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and
consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one
degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit
of honesty, industry, and skill into our shopkeepers, who, if a
resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would
immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make
one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited
to it.

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients, till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will
ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with
offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly
despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as
it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence
and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur
no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will
not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to
admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a
country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to
reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally
innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that
kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering
a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely
to consider two points. First, As things now stand, how they will
be able to find food and raiment for a hundred thousand useless
mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round million of
creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole
subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them in debt
two million of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by
profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers, with
their wives and children, who are beggars in effect; I desire those
politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold
to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these
mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great
happiness to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner
I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of
misfortunes, as they have since gone through, by the oppression of
landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade,
the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes
to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon
their breed for ever.

I profess in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least
personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the publick good of my country, by
advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and
giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children, by which I can
propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old,
and my wife past child-bearing.

“A Modest Proposal” by Jonathon Swift, Project Gutenberg is in the Public Domain.

Ideas for Writing

A Not-so-modest Proposal

Objective: Students will consider the role and effectiveness of satire in literature in propelling social change.

Instructions: Read “Diary of a Madman” and “A Modest Proposal.”

Options for Writing:

Research the context for Lu Xun or Jonathan Swift’s pieces. Then write an argumentative essay in which you argue that what either piece describes is reasonable. Offer reasons as to why based on the context in which the pieces are written, thereby essentially countering the satire.

Or

Research consider a current social issue and develop an satirical essay arguing for a solution.